I'm sleepy. Should have gone to sleep instead of bloggin. But well, the pig asked me to read her blogg so here i am checkin it out. True my dear i'm glad you got there. Here's wad she came at "we r all alone no matter how many pple we have ard us...in the skool of life there can be lotsa pple who can teach us but e lesson to be learnt is alwayz ours.." - so true aint it? I'm glad she got there sooner. Well, life's like that. Today was a day of nostalgia. Went back to visit my old neighbours, went back to the place where my childhood was. My world revolved around that place when i was young. Seeing the elderly couple was rather heartwarming. I was fighting back tears as i looked thru the photo albums, photos of me as a child full of glee. By my mummy, holding her hand and smiling at the camera so happily. Its different. I felt it today. The pain, the anguish. If only .. if only's started flooding my mind. More pictures of me as a child, i was pretty. Yep. I was happy. I was shining. Looking at the corridors i ran along yelling my heart out as a kid, brought me back many years. Standing across the road from my kindergarten, it brought back even more memories. Graduation, friends, homework and even Abishek. Haha. I wish i could never have moved on. I really do. Scissor told me its all abt moving on. BUT WHY? I feel so idiotic. So many questions but no answers. I know one day, all my angels will go away. Angels never stay too long. Most of the angels i've met had given up. God made not one thing perfect. Even angels could give up. Thats why they gave up on me. Now i've only got one angel and i'm just countting down to the day she gives up. I keep having this picture in my head. A picture of me standing all alone in the rain in the middle of the road. Someone just walked out on me, and i stare at that direction. And slowly, i bend down, kneel and cry. Yes true, i'll have many teaching me the lessons but really, the lessons are for me to learn. I agree Adek. I do. It just feels empty. It felt empty all along. And now, to realize its gonna be this feeling forever more - it hurts even more. The pain's etched in my heart. Nevermind Angels, thank you -- even those who gave up. I was above your ability wasnt i? I'm difficult. I'm complicated. And those who think they know me, really dont. I'm an enigma. A puzzling one. A story, a story that doesnt know its own plott. A story with missing ends, parts and persons. A script with missing characters, wrong locations and weird situations. Yes, my life's a stage. And i'm actting -- all along. I better be getting to bed soon. Long day ahead tomorrow. :)
- i like the way the blog looks, raw and painful, just me -
polysemous at 11:58 p.m.
archives
nirvana. - 2007-04-12
eyes. - 2007-04-10
flickkker. - 2007-04-08
the globe in your eye. - 2007-04-03
epiphany - 2007-04-01
